The long tail of search truly is a wonderful thing. For new bloggers like myself it offers a rare opportunity to pull in a little organic search traffic. And believe me… that ain’t such an easy thing to do for new bloggers in the digital marketing space. After all… you’re competing against an industry of SEO’s. Every search engine referral is like a little nugget of gold… or is it…? While reviewing my top search rankings in Google Webmaster Tools I came across a few peculiar phrases that made me chuckle…
My favourite organic search engine rankings
1. Addicted to fire
That’s right folks. Google has categorised me as a fire bug with a top 10 ranking for the phrase ‘addicted to fire’. I can only imagine how disappointed our little pyro friends are when they click through to see my addicted to blogging piece. No explosions… no bushfires… not even a freakin’ camp fire. Just some marketing geek ranting about his blogging addiction. Let’s hope they don’t come after me with a box of matches…
2. Top 10 reasons why you suck
Ummm… well you’re reading this blog for starters… Seriously… who types this query into a search engine…? And more importantly… what were they expecting to find…? A customised list outlining 10 reasons why they’re a loser…? “Well Chris… for starter’s you wet the bed until you were 14…”. If your self esteem is truly this low, you deserve to end up at my crappy blog 
3. Suck on line
Hmmm… one thing is for sure… whoever typed this in certainly wasn’t looking for my article on why Top 10 lists suck. While their intentions remain somewhat ambiguous, I suspect they were looking for something a little more X rated. Here’s a clue for next time buddy… try using a few more descriptive words next time. You might have a little more luck finding the exact type of sucking you’re after.
4. James fortunate fire
Ok Google… what’s with the fire connection. I’m not a pyromaniac for goodness sakes! Who knows what the intentions were for this wacky web surfer. The way I look at it though… James + fire certainly does not equal fortunate! I can’t think of too many happy scenarios involving fire (unless of course you are a pyromaniac).
5. Signs you’re just friends
Looks like I can now add ‘relationship counseller’ to my resume because Google has decided I’m an expert on determining ‘when you’re just friends’. So on that basis, here’s a little piece of expert advice on the house… if a girl won’t have sex with you, she probably just wants to be your friend.
It’s your own fault James!
Yes… it is true. My laziness in implementing SEO tactics for this blog has consigned me to complete long-tail irrelevance. I figured it was more important to be churning out content at the beginning of my blogging life cycle. But with a solid content base now behind me, there are no more excuses! No longer will I stand to be categorised as a fire starter and a relationship counseller. It’s time Google recognised me for who I am – a digital marketer! Game on Google!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Dude,
Just so you know, Webmaster tools for my site showed that I ranked for the query “James Duthie Dumb Cycling”
Have you been riding your bike backwards while juggling fire or something?
Ha… that’s hilarious! That goes to the top of the list! Google obviously thinks I’m some kind of dumbass… Talk about a reputation management nightmare!