It was only a few weeks ago that I diagnosed myself with a severe case of schizophrenia. Yet just as I come to terms with the reality of living with split personalities, I’ve been hit with another revelation… The torment doesn’t end there! You see… it has come to my attention that ever since I started blogging I’ve been behaving differently… and not just in your regular split personality sort of way. Oh no… it’s far worse than that. I’ve become obsessed… with blogging! That’s right… I’ve developed a little case of obsessive compulsive disorder. Crap!
Don’t believe me…? Not to worry. I have proof. Check out these seven symptoms and then try to tell me it ain’t so:
Symptom 1 – Blogging while drunk
Blogging at 3am isn’t that peculiar (see symptom 2). Unless you’re drunk of course… and just returning home from a big night out. The look of bewilderment on my girlfriend’s face as I turn on the computer after stumbling through the front door is priceless. It must be love… I’ve been fortunate enough never to publish any of my thoughts in this state. Just as well… I believe my last drunken post went a little like this…
“Marketing on teh Interweb is cool and stuf. Xcept for those black hat spamming f@#kers… In fact, if one of dem was here right now I’d knock they’re block off…”
It goes on like that for a while…
Symptom 2 – Sleep deprivation
I know I’m not alone on this one. SEO’s in particular are renowned for their sleeping habits… or lack thereof. The fact is there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. And even when I do get to bed at a reasonable hour, good luck turning my freakin’ brain off! Don’t you just wish that thing came with an off switch. Luckily… I’ve managed to find myself a solution. Aaahhh Valium… my new best friend… 
Symptom 3 – Memory lapses
Have you ever become so focused on your work that you let something important slip your mind? Like forgetting to tell your girlfriend that your sister is pregnant…? Stop laughing. This one’s not funny. No really… it’s not. How the hell do you lose so much perspective…? That’s not normal… and it’s seriously not funny (at least not for me… I do try to be reasonably family oriented). Let’s hope they don’t read this…
Symptom 4 – You start to resemble Rain man
I’ve always been pretty good with numbers. But since starting the blog I’ve started to display Dustin Hoffman like tendencies when it comes to statistics. What’s my subscriber count… what’s the average number of page views… how long do visitors spend on the site… what’s my traffic growth… what’s 283 multiplied by 451? I no longer need a calculator to give you an answer to the last question…
Symptom 5 – You start to ditch your real friends
I think the days of blogs being the domain of loners are long behind us. At least I hope they are… or that means I’m a… let’s move on… I’d like to think most of us maintain normal social relationships and interactions. But just what is the right balance between maintaining relationships with real friends and ‘imaginary’ friends? You know you’ve got problems when you spend so much time in social media that you’re actually becoming anti-social in the real world…
Symptom 6 – Love handles start appearing from nowhere
Did I mention that I play basketball twice a week and go to the gym as well? Well… at least I used to. But lately I’ve been finding plenty of excuses to skip ye old exercise routine. And those lovely home cooked meals seem to becoming a bit of a rarity these days too… How important can exercise and nutrition be anyway…?
Symptom 7 – Your sex life starts to suffer
Have you ever thought about blogging… during sex…?
Seriously…? Oh man… I was just kidding! That’s sick. Some things are sacred. You need help!
Dealing with blogging addiction
If you exhibit any of these behaviours, please… seek professional help. I’m fortunate enough to have a doctor in my house to offer personal counseling… Dr Jekyll. But most others aren’t so lucky. If any of these symptoms sound familiar to you, please give the people at B.L.O.G. a call (Bloggers Living in Obsessed Grief). The staff at B.L.O.G have dealt with thousands of cases just like you and me. They’ll know what to do… and they’ll have your life back in order in no time.
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Heh, I’d seen an article about being addicted to social networking, but saw more here to make myself wonder! Sleep deprivation is probably the biggest one for me, whether it’s blogging or trying to sort out a new social network submission.
Mind you, part of the issue in the past for me was the delays and generally increased time for formatting and posting blog entries through Blogger. Thankfully, no longer a problem I have to face!
Hey Robin. I think sleep deprivation is a reality for most bloggers. How else do you maintain a full time job and a half decent blog…?
Unless you’re Darren Rowse, you’re probably not making enough to do it full time.
Heh, very true. Mind you the worry is how much time I spend during the day on blogging and social networking. Half the sleep deprivation is trying to catch up with salaried work that I neglected during the day (…perils of being a home worker).
Ha Ha… I have the very same issue Robin, except I don’t work from home. I’m sure I’ll make a post one day – ‘My blog cost me my job…’.
lol!
excellent article!
I’ve mademoreblog posts while drunk than I care to admit…
in fact the longest blog post I ever made was about half a bottle of “Stolli”, ah, um, I mean 2,500 words.
[note to self: don't count length of blog posts in alcohol units]
Matt Garrett
I think I have had almost ALL of those problems… Is there a B.L.O.G. group near me or can I just follow them on twitter, subscribe to the RSS feed, and check in via e-mail once a day?
Thanks Matt. It was fun to write. Rather than measuring blog length in alcohol units, perhaps it’s more appropriate to measure quality on the same scale – ie. This post is so good I deserve 8 beers as a reward
Naturally B.L.O.G. do not provide any online support Brad. It is their aim to help you kick the digital habit. I have attended their rehab though and highly recommend it (although Lindsay Lohen wouldn’t stop bugging me).
Hahaha..this is so funny! I think I’m included on this list already!
Oh my gosh! I have a real problem.
Welcome to the club Joy & Kristen. Time to give B.L.O.G. a call…
Yep, that’s me. Twice over. I am a full-time blogger. It’s gonna kill me someday.